Your, Mine, and Ours? How to Share a Love of Triathlon With Your Spouse.

You don't have to quit your job or sell your kids to make time for triathlon training and racing. Although sometimes this may seem like the only option if your spouse hogs all the free time – early mornings and late evenings – to workout.

A few years back my husband, Justin, told me that I should “get a hobby”. As a mother of two young children, I wanted to do something fun and physically rewarding. I soon found three new hobbies – swimming, biking, and running – and was having the time of my life. Shortly thereafter, Justin decided he wanted to join me in this crazy tri-lifestyle. Then we had our first fight. It wasn’t about in-laws, money or who forgot to put laundry soap on the grocery list. Instead, it was about who was going to workout on a certain day at a certain time.

We decided to seek mediation – in the form of a pen, paper, calendar and list of races that each of us wanted to do that season. When both the husband and wife want to train and race, there is much more than just the race date to plan for. The commitments of time, money and children would need to be considered. As we sat down that night, we discussed each race in detail, the cost, our personal goals for the race, and the time needed to train for the race. After much debate, consultation and reflective listening, we came up with a written plan and solid calendar dates. We toasted our protein shakes and our marriage was saved!

Since then our date nights have included dropping the kids off at grandma’s house and hitting the sack at 9:00 pm prepping for an early wake-up. We have spent anniversaries completing marathons and biking century rides in faraway lands. We’ve shared many “firsts” together in our time away: 5k, marathon, and 70.3 triathlon. The next two “firsts” on our goal list include the Boston Marathon and an Ironman triathlon. While it’s hard to explain this weird lifestyle to outsiders, this is what brings joy to our life. With big fitness aspirations and two young children whom we love and adore, it’s imperative that Justin and I stay on the same stroke length, err page. We can’t possibly be the only couple trying to work around this issue, so here are a few suggestions I can share to help stay happy, fit and ready to race.

#1 – MAP OUT A PLAN. It’s easy for Type A personalities (which, I’d say, is where the majority of triathletes fall) to make a plan. Month, weekly, daily and even hourly schedules are necessary to keep things smooth on the home-front. The plan should map out every little detail of when, where, and what type of workout will happen. Travel time to the pool, gym, trailhead, etc. must also be included.

#2 – BE CREATIVE. Justin and I have training plans that call for two-a-days, or a workout in the morning and later in the evening. So we figured out a way to allow one of us to train at home while the other trained away from home. We purchased a bike trainer, treadmill, weight set, and yoga videos for our home. Now one of us can go for a “real” bike ride while the other watches Sesame Street at home with the kiddos and rides the trainer. Another option we have is to pack the kids in the bike trailer and head out to a bike trail. Or, we’ll bring the kids to the track and let them play in the long-jump pit while we run intervals. These may not be considered ideal training environments, but it allows us to get in needed workout time and miles, and the kids have fun being outside.

#3 - PICK DIFFERENT RACES. Grandma and grandpa have a life too. They love our kids but may not want to spend every single Saturday watching them. And, we just don’t want to leave the kids with a sitter that often either. The solution was to map out the race season and stagger our races so that one of us would be a spectator and parent while the other raced. I thought I would have a difficult time being a spectator, but I soon realized that watching a triathlon can be a part of training. I learned so much more about the sport from just watching events. It’s also so much fun to socialize and get the “scoop” from other spectators. Justin and I do pick a few races each year to participate in together and leave the kids home.

#4 – MAKE IT A TRIP. For my 30th birthday I ran the Catalina Marathon with my husband, and then spent the rest of the weekend with my sister and her fiancé'. We golfed, ate, toured, ate, and ate some more. We have also planned family trips around races. Our family has enjoyed hiking, swimming and just playing at the park after a race.

#5 – KEEP THE BALANCE. As obsessed as Justin and I are about training and racing, we know that it is very important to keep a balance in our lives, especially for our children. We will never miss a soccer game, dance recital, or birthday just to get in a needed work-out. While it’s fun to talk about tri bikes, gear and nutrition, we know others may not appreciate such a conversation. Our Facebook posts are about more than our latest training. And sometimes, we just have to set down those great running and triathlon magazines to pick up a Dr. Seuss book.

Finding the right balance and plan will make you a better athlete, friend and parent. It will keep you grounded, humble and eager to give your all in everything you do. Isn't that what life is all about?

Michelle Anderson, 31, is a wife, mother of two young children, and a graduate school student. She caught the triathlon bug two years ago when she added swimming and cycling to her running routine. Michelle and her husband, Justin, have their sights set on Ironman in 2011.